29-year-old postpones trip with best friend after sharing "hard to hear" news, friend ghosts her for 9+ months

If you met your bestie in high school or college and were used to spending all day every day hanging out, you'll quickly realize that that can't happen in real adult life. Your 9-5s will keep you away from each other! 

Then, when you do make plans, you have to spend ages working with each other's schedules. "Are you free on Friday?" you'll ask. Your friend will say no, but she's free on Saturday after 1 PM. You're only free until 5 PM on Saturday. So you make adjustments and hang out for a few random hours. Is it the same? No. Is it still pretty great (and worth the hassle)? Yes, yes it is. 

The older I get, too, the more I realize that time with friends is both precious and limited. We only have one life and it's happening right now! I find myself sitting in my best friend's backyard around a bonfire with tons of party guests, and we talk and then dance together late into the night while other party guests drift out the door. It's late at night, and they want to get home to their warm beds. Understandable! I kind of do, too. 

But instead, I have started staying just a little later than I used to, pushing myself slightly outside of my socially anxious comfort zone, because that's when the conversations get really good. We'll only be young and dancing to Chappell Roan songs in our Halloween costumes once — maybe twice, if we're really lucky. We're all so busy all the time that getting the whole crew in one place is a monumental task. If you leave the hangout at 11 PM, that's fine, but who knows when you'll see everyone again? Instead, you might consider staying until 1 or 2 AM. You'll be tired the next day, but just think of all the fun memories you'll have! 

BUT. But! I have the privilege of not having kids nor spouses, or anyone who relies on me to care for them. And that's not the case with these friends here (or most people in their late 20s and 30s). These friends find themselves to be incredibly busy, and it's making it hard for them to meet up. 

The friend who shared this story is recently engaged and house hunting at the same time. The other friend is going to grad school, which takes up tons of time and energy. And speaking of energy, she's battling a chronic fatigue issue, which can really affect someone's ability to hang out. 

It seems like there's some kind of underlying tension between these friends, and it's probably due to the house-hunting. This woman shared about how time-consuming that has all been, yet she also mentions that her social calendar has really filled up in her friend's absence. It isn't really the direct fault of either friend… but I wonder if the grad-school BFF is annoyed that her friend has time for everyone else but her. 

This woman also mentioned that it's been 9 months since they've spoken, and although friendships ebb and flow, that is a significant ebbing. Perhaps the friendship can be mended, and perhaps not…See what you think.